This Day in Gay Utah History July 28th

JULY 28th

Michelangelo

1533-Artist Michelangelo wrote to Tommaso Cavaleri, "I could as easily forget your name as the food by which I live; nay, it would be easier to forget the food, which only nourishes my body, than your name, which nourishes both body and soul."

1900 Park Record From the Outside page 1 Frank Billings, a roustabout, employed in the White House Salt Lake was arrested Sunday charged with Sodomy.

1958 Con Denies Escape- Point of the Mountain (AP) A Utah State inmate reported missing during a roll call Sunday night appeared for breakfast today and denied that he attempted an escape. Robert L Dripps, 19, Layton told officers he had spent the night in another cell because he “wanted to hide from other inmates”.  He served one month of a one to twenty year term for forgery and a three to twenty year term for sodomy. Prison officers said a dummy was found in his bunk during the Sunday night check.  Ogden Standard Examiner

1976-The San Francisco Department of Health reported an outbreak of Gastrointestinal disorders among Gay men, especially shigellosis and amoebic dysentery.

1986-Republican Gov George Deukmejian of California vetoed a bill which would have

protected people with AIDS from discrimination in housing and employment.

1986-Resurrection Metropolitan Community Church took possession of new church building located at 823 South 600 East Salt Lake City, Utah

1987- Arthur Bressan died of complications from AIDS. He was an American filmmaker. Although the bulk of his output was in the gay pornography genre, he also wrote and directed Buddies. Released in 1985, Buddies was the first American feature film on the subject of the AIDS pandemic. Other films included Gay USA (1978), an early documentary film about the burgeoning gay rights movement in America that came at a time when that movement was facing backlash from such people as Anita Bryant; and Abuse (1983), a dramatic film about a young effeminate boy who seeks out an older gay man to escape his parents, who torture him in their home.

1987- Salt Lake Affirmation met and the topic discussed was “What Do We Fear About Being Queer?” About 15 people in attendance

1988 We had a last minute Beyond Stonewall meeting with James Connolly, Ken Francis, Mike Buck, Neil Hoyt, John Reeves, and myself. We have about 70 people signed up all together. We tried to work out last minute details.  John Reeves is really bummed out because he didn’t get his job and nothing seems to be falling in place for him here in Utah

1990- Mike Pipkim and I went to the Trading Post and to other leather shops to buy some craft items to work on. I want to make a shamen stick.  I still haven't resolved my feelings about leather.  I bought two white rabbit skins and I asked forgiveness from the spirits of the rabbits and said I was making a  thing of beauty and that I would honor them with it.  I hope they accepted my supplication. Later I went to the park at Memory Grove to work on my craft and Michael was drinking tequila and vodka. I sat under a shady tree in Memory Grove and Tim Van Were, that young man I connected with last spring, saw me and came and joined Michael and I. Rocky O’Donovan who had been in the park saw us also and came over to sit with us. About 5 PM, Mike said that he had a vision and that we were supposed to be at Bare Ass Beach. Far be it for me to interfere with a vision, so I said okay, even though my van was sitting on empty and we would have to get gas.  At first I thought is this just an alcohol induced vision but later I had my own confirmation that it wasn't so in no time, Rocky, Mike, Timothy, and I were on our way to Bare Ass Beach for an impromptu Faerie ritual.  Tim told us that his Faerie name was "Little Bull". At Bare Ass Beach, the wind blew from the north and we found a spit of sand to stake as a Faerie Circle and there we did Magick and a ritual. We gave Tim a re-birthing 

and watched the golden Sun send his lavenders and tangerines and magentas across Antelope Island to reflect on the mirrored surface of the Great Salt Lake.  We playfully covered ourselves with salty mud and went out into the Salt Lake to wash ourselves, feeling renewed in the salt of the earth.  We were surrounded by the smell of sage and grass and I found some sea gull bones to put on my Shaman stick.  Powerful stuff but exhausting! It was ten PM before finally dropping Tim and Rocky off.  I wanted to go home to get the sand off me but Mike insisted that we drive down Broadway and Main.  That was his undoing. Still high, he wanted me to go with him up to the parking terrace to see the hole in the ground being dug in the middle of the block.  I said no that I was not going and I don't think you should either. But Mike being compulsive, bull headed, and drunk could not be stayed. I waited for him until almost midnight before I got fed up and went home.  I figured

he got picked up by some trick. As soon as I got home however the phone was ringing. Mike had been arrested and taken to jail.  Fortunately Willie Marshall was home and he got him out. From what Michael said, I guess almost as soon as he went into the parking terrace he was arrested for trespassing and because he got mad at the cop, threw his coke can down on the ground and it rolled towards the cop, the bastard-pig also arrested him for assault.  This dude was just out to harass fags. Official fag bashing.  On a busy Saturday night, this cop had nothing better to do but hang out in a garage terrace and watch an area that the cop himself called a "known homosexual cruising area". The jerk was probably a closet case who gets his jollies harassing Gays. Boy do I feel safer now with Officer Robinson keeping Fags off the street. [Journal of Ben Williams]

David  S Young

1996 The Salt Lake Tribune- Utah's Judiciary Elections May Be Less Routine This Year By Paul Rolly The most contentious campaign this fall may come in the normally nondescript judicial retention election, even though the focus will be on the ho-hum race for governor, three somewhat more exciting congressional elections and the attorney general's contest. Several of the 39 judges up for retention this year quietly have expressed concern to colleagues and members of the Judicial Conduct Commission about being on the same ballot as 3rd District Judge David S. Young. For the past two years, Young has received unflattering publicity in the Utah and national press generated by allegations he is biased against women. The National Organization for Women has promised a vigorous campaign against Young, although recent interviews with some of the main players show there is confusion over how to actually do that. Utah Supreme Court Chief Justice Michael Zimmerman, an advocate of the retention election system created 10 years ago, acknowledges some judges are concerned about being on the ballot in the middle of a potential firestorm of negative publicity aimed at the judiciary. Zimmerman cites the "Rose Bird phenomenon" as an historical matrix for the judges' concern. Bird, chief justice of the California Supreme Court in the 1980s, became a lightning rod for criticism as the court consistently overturned death sentences. When she was on the ballot for retention in the late '80s, she was defeated, as were two other Supreme Court judges on the ballot with her. But Zimmerman says it may not be a fair comparison. "California voters are more inclined to throw out incumbents than are Utah voters." He cited the case of veteran Utah trial judge Don Tibbs, who presided over the 6th Judicial District in Central Utah. Tibbs had drawn fire from law enforcement officials for rulings favorable to defendants in criminal cases. A formal complaint was filed against him by a police chief and the southern Utah press was critical of the judge. When Tibbs was up for retention in the early 1990s he was retained by more than 60 percent of the vote. He retired in 1994. A cloud over the retention election process is seeded by complaints that while judges run on their own record, with no opponent, the public is not allowed a full view of that record. Most complaints before the Judicial Conduct Commission remain secret. Since the commission was created in 1977, only one judge has been publicly reprimanded. The State Judicial Council surveys attorneys about judges up for retention. In the future, the survey will include jurors. The judges must score 70 percent approval or better on at least 10 of the 13 survey questions in order to be certified. If a judge does not meet that minimum standard, he or she will appear on the ballot without the recommendation of certification. In the 10 years of such elections, no judge has failed to be certified. In fact, this is the first year that a judge appearing on the ballot received less than 70 percent on any question. And there were two. Young received less than 70 percent on Question No. 2: Does the judge weigh all evidence fairly and impartially before rendering a decision? Third District Judge Homer Wilkinson scored below 70 percent on three questions: Does the judge apply the law to the facts of the case? Does the judge clearly explain the basis of oral decisions? Does the judge write decisions in a clear and coherent manner? Critics claim the closed nature of the Judicial Conduct Commission protects judges from scrutiny. Also, some judges note that the aura of secrecy paints them all with a brush of suspicion. Zimmerman says while no judge has failed to win certification, some judges have retired or declined to run for retention when faced with survey results. Others have improved in the areas they had relatively low scores. Mary Coelho, a former litigant in Young's court and a vocal critic of the judge, says about 80 people so far have discussed a campaign against Young. Coelho says she has discussed the danger of impugning other judges by association. "We are trying to be very careful to target just Judge Young." She says fund-raising efforts will begin soon and her group hopes to run radio and television ads. Utah NOW President Lucy Malin says the campaign may stick to word-of-mouth and mailings. She said her advisers worry about libel and slander issues. David Nelson, founder of Gay and Lesbian Utah Democrats, says his group will spend about $2,000 for a "Vote No on Young" campaign that will focus on direct mailing and "perhaps a billboard." The gay community was outraged when Young gave a lenient sentence two years ago to a confessed killer who admitted tracking down a gay Park City man and shooting him in the head. Steve Stewart, executive director of the Judicial Conduct Commission, says the Code of Judicial Conduct specifies that if a campaign is launched against a judge, a committee can be formed on behalf of the judge to raise money and launch a counter campaign. Names of attorneys who donate or decline to donate must be kept confidential. Most of those involved in the judiciary, even critics, agree the current system is better than the old contested elections where judges had to raise money, often from attorneys, to campaign against an opponent. One campaign for the Utah Supreme Court between incumbent E.R. Callister and challenger Richard Maughan in the '70s became nasty and personal. Each side questioned the other's integrity and competence, which, judicial observers agree, didn't do much for court integrity. The weakness of the contested elections became apparent in '78 when Homer Wilkinson, the judge who scored below 70 percent on three questions this year, filed to run against 3rd District Judge Marcellus K. Snow. Snow died before the election. Wilkinson claimed he was rightful heir to the seat because he was the only other person on the ballot. Gov. Scott Matheson argued the death left an opening and he should appoint a replacement. The Supreme Court ruled in favor of Wilkinson.

1996 Allen Woodruff Stokes, age 81, a Gay friendly Quaker Activist of Logan, Utah, died.  He sought to gain greater understanding of and tolerance for gays and lesbians and was a member of the Gay- Lesbian Alliance at Utah State University for many years. He was a birth-right member of the Religious Society of Friends. He and his wife, Alice were founders of the Logan Meeting and have been active ever since. 

2001 Workshop set Monday at Gay-Lesbian Center Deseret News Published: Saturday, July 28, 2001 A "Building Bridges Workshop" will be held Monday, July 30, from 8:30 a.m. to 4 p.m. at the Gay and Lesbian Community Center, 361 N. 300 West. The event is designed for Catholic clergy and laity, educators, counselors, social workers, gays and lesbians and their family members. Registration cost at the door is $55. For more information, call 539-8800.

2004 De-Classified FBI Records; A Treasure Trove for Gay Historians By John Emery Reading thru the 150 pages of de-classified FBI surveillance records of the Gay Activists Alliance, I have been able to learn who some of the major players were in the early gay rights movement. My research involved finding the earlier origins for the First National March on Washington in 1979. These efforts have been hampered by the absolute lack of historical records in some cases and the lack of on-line archives in others. Some of the best sources have been recorded interviews with the few remaining survivors (bless you IN THE LIFE) and FBI records. The karmic payback of J Edgar Hoover's homophobia and obsession with the "radical" homosexuals who insisted on "coming out", was the exhaustive records left for today's gay historians. Perhaps J Edgar and Roy Cohen are rolling in their fire pits of hell, knowing that we have hundreds of documents laying out who, what, where, how and why of our early gay history. For the makers and keepers of these early activist records, came possible consequences comparable to today's kiddy-porn collectors. Many of the 1940's and 1950's gay activists were Marxists. The 1950's McCarthy witch-hunts cleared the ranks of these "pinko commie fags" and it wasn't until the mid 1960's that the socialist gay movement picked up steam again. The activists need for secrecy combined with J Edgar and Roytoy Cohen's obsessions gave us heretofore missing gaps in our history. Thanks to the efforts of the FBI, we now know of more people deserving of honor, in the gay annals of history. Amongst others, the COINTELPRO surveillance programs in the 1960's and 1970's included the Black Civil Rights movement, the anti-war movement and the women's movement; including the efforts to pass ERA. These investigations followed the women who later served in the post-ERA lesbian and gay movement, who were our experienced backbone from the mid 1970's. The FBI was concerned that the defeat of ERA would cause a radical backlash. This backlash, they feared, would manifest thru the lesbian and gay movement, in the form of riots and domestic terrorism. Their fears are laughable in today's perspective and are worthy of an epic comedy, or at least a Mad-TV skit (visualize J Edgar Hoover in Islamic drag, spying on drag queens and lipstick lesbians for make-up tips, pretending it's for Homeland Security). In 1965, a tradition started of lesbians and gays marching on July 4th in Philadelphia, the city of love. These peaceful, respectful and quick marches were some of the early roots for the first national march on Washington. It was at these marches where people risked arrest, incarceration and hospitalization for their courage; not to mention jobs, homes and family. July 4th of 2005 will mark the 40th anniversary of these early first marches. These more known events are contrasted with the FBI's intelligence, which include later obscure events, including a little sit-in on July 30, 1971. According to FBI records, 170 people demonstrated at City Hall in Bridgeport Conn., a soiree organized by the Kalos Society-Gay Liberation. Personally, I probably would never have heard of this little ACT-UP grandpa, if it weren't for J Edgar's obsessive need to know what his fellow gays were wearing after  Memorial Day. Another little factoid revealed in the de-classified records, concern the FBI's worries that gays would try and disrupt the Republican and Democratic National Conventions in 1972. Imagine all that time wasted in 1972, following gay activists while G Gordon Liddy and his gang from CREEP (their own acronym for the Committee to Re-elect the President), were breaking into nearby Watergate offices. Makes you wonder how much time the FBI is wasting on simliar "Curve Balls" of intelligence in 2004; with the gays all in a twitter over constitutional amendments banning their basic human rights and all. What laws, currently being violated by today's CREEP, are being ignored while the FBI worries obout gays disrupting the 2004 Republican and Democratic Conventions? Perhaps the de- classified files 20 years from now will be able to fill-in gaps in our present sloppy recording of gay history. Today, the Christian-hate mouthpieces in Congress warn of "The Dangers to National Security of Homosexuals Destroying the Sacred Institution of Marriage" while Rep. Nancy Pelosi points out the immediate and real threat to national security, the Bin Laden network. Yet again, our country's surveillance systems are given backseat to Christian-hate politicians. Meanwhile, the hate- Christians are probably slipping by the incompetent FBI, once again. For these and other tid-bits, the Freedom of Information Act official website is a treasure trove of gay history. To J Edgar Hoover, wherever you're rolling, my wigs and heels are off to you. It's too bad they didn't bury you in your favorite drag outfit; because every good drag queen, worth her tips, ALWAYS wears flame retardant wigs and pantyhose - dahling.

© John Emery, All Rights Reserved

• USHS Note: http://foia.fbi.gov/ is the website for Freedom of Information Site...for all you radical Lambda activists from the 70's and 80's check out if you have a file on you. A former co founder of the Gay and Lesbian Historical Society of Utah always insisted that he did. The LDS Church uses a lot of ex-FBI agents in their Church Security headquarters (formerly known as the DANITE Den- I am only joking! Don't kill me). For those who only read this site for some dirt, the first FBI agent convicted of treason was a Mormon who was committing adultery with a Russia Spy. I thought it was suppose to be only Gays who couldn't be trusted for security clearances because they might get black mailed HA! All is Well! 

 

Howard Johnson

2005 Sexual liaison with teen boy brings jail term for lawyer met in chat room: The attorney was HIV-positive, and knew it, when he met with the youth at his home By Stephen Hunt The Salt Lake Tribune Page: B1 A Utah attorney who knew he was HIV-positive when he had sex with a 14-year-old boy two years ago was sentenced Wednesday to probation and 90 days in jail. Third District Judge Timothy Hanson said he was not imposing jail time because Howard P. Johnson is gay or HIV-positive, but because he committed a crime.  "There has to be some punitive sanction, and 90 days is about right,"said Hanson.  Johnson, 51, who met the boy in an Internet chat room, is not a pedophile or a predator, according to defense attorney John Caine. "But he has had some lapses in judgment." The judge agreed, saying that when the boy appeared on Johnson's doorstep in Salt Lake City, the defendant should have sent him away. "You are an attorney. I expect more from an attorney," the judge said. Johnson was charged with two counts of first-degree felony forcible sodomy and one second-degree felony count of enticing a minor over the Internet. He pleaded guilty to reduced counts of third-degree felony unlawful sexual activity with a minor and class A misdemeanor enticing a minor over the Internet. When the teen arrived at Johnson's home on Oct. 15, 2003, Johnson answered the door naked and the two engaged in oral and anal sex. The boy wore a condom, but later grew concerned about HIV because of some vials he saw in Johnson's bedroom. The teen was tested for HIV and the results were negative. Health officials reported the case to police. Johnson told authorities he believed the boy was an adult. But prosecutor Paul Amann said the victim "appears young" to the extent that no one would have any doubt about his youth. Caine called the victim "a sophisticated 14-year-old who had his own Web site and was seeking activity." Caine suggested home confinement instead of jail time. But Amann - who requested a one-year sentence for Johnson – noted that Johnson claims he is "always naked at home," and that he answers the door in the nude when receiving postal and pizza deliveries. "He's a person with no boundaries," said Amann. The prosecutor also claimed that when, as part of a pre-sentence evaluation, Johnson's sexual proclivities were tested with a device that measures blood flow to the penis, Johnson tried to defeat the test "by flexing and relaxing his pelvis muscles." Amann also said Johnson has blamed the victim for what happened. Johnson made no comment in court, but had written a letter to the judge in which he took responsibility and apologized to the victim, Caine said. "He realized he'd crossed the line. But he did feel that the victim bore some responsibility." Now that Johnson has been sentenced, he faces possible disbarment. "My assumption is that if someone is convicted of a crime of moral turpitude, which this is, you'll be disbarred," Amann said after the hearing.

• 2005 --SALT LAKE CITY (AP) -- A lawyer infected with the virus that causes AIDS has been sentenced to 90 days in jail and probation for having sex with a 14-year-old boy he first met in an online chat room.  Howard P. Johnson, 51, pleaded guilty to reduced counts of third-degree felony unlawful sexual activity with a minor and misdemeanor enticing a minor over the Internet. He was sentenced Wednesday in 3rd District Court. Judge Timothy Hanson said he was not imposing jail time because Johnson is gay or because he is HIV-positive.  "There has to be some punitive sanction, and 90 days is about right," said Hanson. Defense attorney John Caine said Johnson was not a predator or a pedophile but "has had some lapses in judgment."  The judge agreed, saying that when the boy appeared on Johnson's doorstep in Salt Lake City, Johnson should have sent him away. "You are an attorney. I expect more from an attorney," the judge said.  Johnson originally was charged with two counts of first-degree felony forcible sodomy and one second-degree felony count of enticing a minor over the Internet. When the boy arrived at Johnson's home on Oct. 15, 2003, Johnson answered the door naked and the two engaged in sex. The boy wore a condom, but later grew concerned about HIV because of some vials he saw in Johnson's bedroom. The teen was tested for the virus and the results were negative. Health officials reported the case to police. Johnson told authorities he believed the boy was an adult. But prosecutor Paul Amann said the victim "appears young" to the extent that no one would have any doubt he was underage.  Caine suggested home confinement instead of jail time for Johnson. But Amann -- who requested a one-year sentence for Johnson -- noted that Johnson claims he is "always naked at home," and that he answers the door in the nude when receiving postal and pizza deliveries. "He's a person with no boundaries," said Amann. Johnson made no comment in court but had written a letter to the judge in which he took responsibility and apologized to the victim, Caine said. "He realized he'd crossed the line. But he did feel that the victim bore some responsibility," Caine said. Now that Johnson has been sentenced, he faces possible disbarment. "My assumption is that if someone is convicted of a crime of moral turpitude, which this is, you'll be disbarred," Amann said after the hearing.

2005 Film & Discussion – Center Space (6:30pm) Come watch a different type of reality show, which Director Mark Saxenmeyer calls "Reality TV with a Purpose." Experiment: Gay & Straight follows the lives of ten Chicago-area strangers, five men and five women, during a one-week period in which they live together in a three bedroom/three-bath house on the Windy City's north side. Their task was to help bridge the gap between America's gay and straight communities, and to forge better understanding between the two groups. Winner of seven film awards, his film combines elements of popular entertainment like Survivor with serious and sometimes explosive issues involving sexuality, human rights, and discrimination. Much of what these participants say echoes the views of the general public – opinions and feelings many people voice privately, but fear speaking aloud because of the potential repercussions in our "politically correct" culture. In The Experiment, the housemates are refreshingly and sometimes stunningly honest. There is no tip-toeing around any issue whatsoever. Please bring your straight friends and family for a frank discussion to follow, facilitated by the Salt Lake Film Center's Development Officer, Naomi Lee.

Rocky Anderson

2006  Rocky signs national ad backing gay marriages NEW YORK (AP) — Three major gay-rights groups started taking out full-page advertisements this week in 50 newspapers nationwide declaring their determination to keep fighting for same-sex marriage rights despite recent court setbacks. The media campaign will cost $250,000; its organizers said it was the largest-ever purchase of print-advertising space by gay-rights supporters. Roberta Sklar of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force said he ads would run in papers around the country, from The New York Times to The Gazette of Cedar Rapids, Iowa, to gay weeklies in Houston, Atlanta and San Diego. The ads feature photographs of five same-sex couples who have been together as long as 53 years and are endorsed by an array of organizations and individuals, including 11 religious leaders and nine mayors. Salt Lake Mayor Rocky Anderson was among those who signed the ad. Signatories of the ads also included the mayors of Boston, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Seattle, Providence, R.I., Portland, Ore., West Sacramento, Calif., and Palm Springs, Calif. GLAAD's executive director, Neil Giuliano, said the ad campaign was a milestone because of the strong support from straight political and religious leaders

Gretchen Legler

2006 The Queer Reader brings in Lesbian author! – Center Space (7:00pm) On the Ice author Gretchen Legler will be here to discuss her book about her adventures in Antarctica. We are very fortunately to have the author here with us to discuss her book in person. She will also do a reading and a book signing. This event is part of the Queer Reader monthly Program of the Center and is co-sponsored by Sam Weller Bookstore, who will be there selling the book at a 20% discount. This event is free and open to all. Light refreshments will be served.

Michael Ferguson

2016 Esquire Magazine "I Spent Seven Years in Gay Conversion Therapy Programs Before Breaking Free"- As the GOP seems to promote a renounced practice, one man speaks up. By Lorena O'Neil Jul 28, 2016  It began his junior year at Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah: Michael Ferguson wanted desperately to rid himself of the sexual feelings he had toward men. His Mormon faith and his loving family would never understand. So he began to try to pray the gay away.Thus began a seven-year journey through nine gay conversion therapy programs, also called reparative therapy, which included hypnotherapy, physical psychotherapy, evangelical spiritual groups, and a 12-step addiction recovery program. Such treatments were designed to "cure" homosexuality by changing a person's sexual orientation or gender identity. The American Psychological Association, the American Medical Association, the American Psychiatric Association and the American Academy of Pediatrics have condemned such practices. President Obama supported a national ban, and some states have already passed such legislation. But gay conversion therapy has re-entered the national spotlight after a draft of the GOP's official 2016 platform—much farther to the right than in years past, and far more conservative than Donald Trump's own positions—contained language that seemed to support its implementation and use. Underneath a subsection titled "Protecting Individual Conscience in Healthcare," one line reads, "We support the right of parents to determine the proper medical treatment and therapy for their minor children." Ferguson began to try to pray the gay away. The man most responsible for that language is Tony Perkins, head of the Family Research Council and an official committee member of the Republican Platform 2016. Time reports that Perkins "originally drafted a more explicit embrace" of conversion therapy, but walked it back after meeting with top RNC officials. CNN asked Perkins for clarification on the change and he said: "It's what it says, it's whatever therapy that a parent wants to get for a minor child. There's states that are trying to restrict what parents can do for loving their children. Parents have a better idea I think than legislators or government bureaucrats." (The official platform now reads: "We likewise support the right of parents to consent to medical treatment for their children, including mental health treatment, drug treatment, and treatment involving pregnancy, contraceptives and abortion.") Furthermore, news recently resurfaced that Donald Trump's running mate, Mike Pence, during his first successful run for Congress in 2000, supported gay conversion therapy, writing on his campaign website, "Resources should be directed toward those institutions which provide assistance to those seeking to change their sexual behavior." Meanwhile, Ferguson renounced his attempts to change his sexual orientation and was a plaintiff in the first landmark court decision to address reparative therapy. The 2015 ruling found that New Jersey-based conversion therapy organization JONAH (Jews Offering New Alternatives for Healing) had committed consumer fraud, and the organization was ordered to pay the plaintiffs more than $70,000 in refunds. The program eventually shut down completely. Ferguson is now out and married to a man. In light of the GOP's seeming embrace of the programs that did him so much harm, Ferguson shared his story with Esquire.

ESQ: How do you respond to the Republican platform's alleged allusions to conversion therapy?

Michael Ferguson: It's pretty horrifying to see that the Republican platform included coded language for increasing the permissiveness of conversion therapy. You see this aligning of rhetoric on the right to create a narrative that religious liberty is under attack.

Were you surprised to see it come up?

I honestly was. Conversion therapy is one of those topics—even with people who are very biased against civil liberties and equalities for LGBT people—where people see what it looks like and how it operates and they are appalled.

Why did you start going to conversion therapy?

I grew up really happy in Mormonism. When I was on my mission I disclosed for the first time to a leader in the church that I was experiencing same-sex attraction. He told me to think really vividly of the crucifixion of Jesus and the nails going into his hands. He was prescribing mental-shock therapy, a form of aversion therapy. Later, while enrolled at Brigham Young University, a bishop advised me to begin conversion therapy with a professional psychologist at the university's counseling center.

Did you believe it was going to work?

I totally had faith in it. I was counseled by the priesthood leader that this was something he had helped a lot of people overcome and that it was just a matter of turning down the dimmer switch on my attraction to men and turning up the dimmer switch on my attraction to women.

How many different kind of conversion therapy programs did you try?

I started in 2004 at BYU and was involved in various conversion therapy attempts through 2011. I tried nine different modalities, including an evangelical Christian group that tried to "pray the gay away" and a 12-step addiction recovery program because one bishop advised me that my same sex attraction was related to being addicted to attention from men.

Could you describe some of the exercises you were taught?

At the Journey Into Manhood retreat they used a psychodrama approach. We were deprived of all communication: no computer, no phone, no watches, no clocks. You create scenarios with groups and act them out to do high emotional arousal role-play. The whole weekend is full of them. In one exercise a group of twelve men formed a human barricade and someone had to break through to grab a pair of oranges on the other side. The oranges represented symbolically reclaiming your testicles. The idea behind it is that you were homosexual because either your mother had metaphorically castrated you and made you lose touch with your male power, or society had emasculated and feminized you.

What would the person do after grabbing the oranges?

They were coaxed to squeeze them and get really worked up and roar and be this primal man that bites oranges and shoves them down their pants. It's pretty Lord of the Flies stuff.

Can you explain what "healthy touch" is?

At Journey Into Manhood the staff would model various holding positions for the participants and would instruct us to select someone to hold us and give us "golden father energy."

What is "golden father energy?"

People that have a certain type of energy that can heal your childhood wounds. Somebody who possesses magical "golden father energy" will be able to help unbind you from these developmental wounds that you are carrying. It's part of the overall ideology of the program. A golden child is a child that was inherently straight but who was screwed up by their parents. You have to find the innocent place before you go off-track and start on the path to homosexuality. The first introduction to healthy touch is having one man seated on the ground while another puts his head in his lap and the first man strokes his shoulder. The deeper that you get into these communities, the more physically intimate the positions become.

Did you ever enter a relationship with any of the men?

Yes, one of the counselors from Journey into Manhood did end up becoming a sexually active partner. What do you expect to happen if you have these men who are extraordinarily sexually repressed and very isolated enter a world with men in the exact same situation and put them in high levels of emotional and physical intimacy? Of course feelings are going to start emerging between people.

How did you and the counselor feel about your relationship?

At the time we were in denial about what was happening. We were sublimating all of our contact and our intimacy into saying, "This is helping us to get to a place where we won't need this anymore."

Was it common for counselors and therapists to be gay?

Most of the men who I have encountered who do conversion therapy themselves are attracted to men.

You testified that you took part in "holding nights." Can you explain those?

After a Journey Into Manhood retreat, you're now in contact with all of these other closeted

gay men who are trying to make it work in their faith community or to marry a woman or to sustain a marriage they are already in with a woman. A holding night involves getting an invitation to go to somebody's house. Thirty or forty guys are all lying down on couches or the floor and holding each other in cradling positions. Men are in dyads or tryads all over the house. You play Enya-like new age music in the background. It's a very intimate physical and emotional space. The theory is that America just doesn't have a cultural space for normal male intimacy so we need to create these spaces ourselves.

Are people clothed?

The ones that I went to, yes. I have heard of some ones that were not.

What would these groups do on other nights?

You would get together and watch a football game or a movie and talk about it. We watched Gladiator and talked about the archetypes of masculinity. The idea was that if we get together and immerse ourselves in all of this stereotyped male energy, real masculinity would saturate into our minds and into our nature and that would lead us to heterosexuality.

Were these groups religious?

The ones in Utah were overwhelmingly Mormon.

Were there other kinds of exercises you did?

There was a lot of bondage work. At Journey Into Manhood, the person who was the subject of the psychodrama selected someone from the group to represent their mother. That person put on women's clothing — they had bras, wigs, dresses. They were coached to act out the voice or presence of the first person's mother. I helped "hold space" with about 12 other men and we stood in a circle around the two men in the middle. The person who was the subject of the exercise was tied to the man dressed in women's clothing, who would say all of these needy phrases like "Don't ever leave me! I wont be able to exist without you!" There was taunting. They said your mind is at its most malleable in a high emotional arousal state, when you get to your deepest core self. You were tasked with breaking away and escaping the ropes that were tying you to your mother. Then they did an exercise with fathers. These exercises were all clothed but the Journey Beyond retreat was almost exclusively disrobed.

Journey Beyond is usually the retreat people go to after Journey Into Manhood, correct?

Yes there are induction levels within these communities. If you successfully prove your sincerity that you really want to overcome sexual attraction and you don't "act out" with any men for a period of sexual sobriety, then you are qualified to do the Journey Beyond retreat. You go even deeper into your psyche and you take even more of your clothes off.

Why did you not attend that one?

It was partly financial. As a student who was in the closet, I wasn't able to ask any family members for assistance. It's not like the JONAH program was billed to insurance. So all of these retreats and $100 private sessions add up.

What happened at your private sessions?

I had a hypnotherapy session. It was based on the unfortunately widespread theory that your homosexuality is related to absentee fathering and not having same-sex peers when you were developing, and that you projected sexual desire onto the absence of these male relationships in your life. It's totally nonsense. Under hypnosis I was supposed to regress back to these places where the emotional attachment to my father supposedly should have been. Once I was hypnotized the therapist told me I needed to take off your clothes in order to take off more of my inhibitions. He said that because of my addiction to men, he was inducing deeper hypnosis. He said that he needed to be the one I was attached to so strongly that it was going to feel like an addiction. That this was the only way to dig deep enough into my emotional memories and create an attachment to men and meet these unfulfilled needs from childhood development. Then, once they were met, I would be released from my homosexuality. He blindfolded me and had me undress myself completely.

Reporter's note: Michael was uncomfortable going on the record about the details of what happened after he got undressed during hypnosis.

Why was it important for you to try and change your sexual orientation? What was your ultimate goal?

So I could go to the celestial kingdom where I would live in the presence of God for eternity. The only way to do that in the Mormon tradition is through a heterosexual marriage.The psychodrama stuff is really common and it's really disturbing. It might seem like I'm harping on the religious component but it's hard to separate religiousness from conversion therapy and the actual practice of it.

What made you stop going?

The hypnotism incident broke through and forced me to reevaluate. Because of the mental devastation that followed, I really deconstructed and closely scrutinized the assumptions and the levels of trust that I had placed into different claims and into different people.

How did you feel when you won the JONAH lawsuit?

I felt like a weight came off of my chest.

What would you tell someone contemplating conversion therapy?

Please learn from my pain. Please learn from what I tried for years and years to do and what I spent thousands and thousands of dollars trying to do. Please learn what other people are sharing so you don't have to go through wasted, painful years.

What can be done to help stop conversion therapy?

There's a Therapeutic Fraud Prevention Act sponsored by Congressman Ted Lieu of California. If passed, it will put into law what has been articulated by professional organizations: that efforts to change gender orientation or identity therapeutically are fraudulent in nature.

Do you still see it as a big problem in the U.S.?

It's still being used and being advertised openly. These programs are active. JONAH had to shutdown but Journey Into Manhood is run by an organization based in Virginia and is still going.

Reporter's Note: The People Can Change website advertises for the Journey Into Manhood retreat, with a calendar of upcoming events including retreats in Indiana, Utah, Poland, Texas and California in the next three months. They say the retreat is not religious in nature, but it is "immersion in intensive emotional-healing work, designed specifically for men who are self-motivated and serious about resolving unwanted homosexual attractions." This past February, the Southern Poverty Law Center, the Human Rights Campaign, and the National Center for Lesbian Rights filed a complaint with the Federal Trade Commission against People Can Change for "unfair, deceptive and fraudulent charges."

Have you had anybody reach out to you following the lawsuit?

My original conversion therapist at BYU private messaged me and apologize to me. He said 'I'm so sorry that I was misled at the time.' He has since renounced anything that he did to make us feel like we were less than we are worth as human beings. I was very pleasantly shocked.

Now you are married, correct?

Yes, my husband and I live in Ithaca. I'm a post-doctoral fellow in the human neuroscience institute at Cornell University. Part of the reason why I pursued an academic path that involved cognition and neuroscience and psychology is because I was trying to understand what was wrong with me and how I could fix it. What's beautiful is in that process of digging deeply into neuroscience, I realized there's nothing wrong with me. It's actually beautiful to be gay.

2018 Imagine Dragons' singer says his LoveLoud Festival — which brought 30,000 to Rice-Eccles Stadium — is all about heart  By Eric Walden • Imagine Dragons' singer says his LoveLoud Festival — which brought 30,000 to Rice-Eccles Stadium — is all about heart By Eric Walden In 2017, the inaugural LoveLoud Festival — a concert event conceived by Imagine Dragons frontman Dan Reynolds to raise awareness, support and money for at-risk lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender youths — drew 17,000 people to Orem’s Brent Brown Ballpark.For Saturday’s follow-up, more than 30,000 people flooded Rice-Eccles Stadium in Salt Lake City. Asked what that indicated to him about the progress of a state where the predominant Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints — a faith he is a part of — teaches that to act on same-sex attraction is a sin, Reynolds clapped his hands enthusiastically and let out a whoop. “The people and the community want to love our LGBTQ youth. Period. And that’s the goal of LoveLoud,” he said in a red carpet event hours before the concert began. "We’re not trying to change doctrine. We know we can’t change orthodox religion. I don’t claim to be able to do something like that. My mom said to me, ‘What do you think, you’re gonna change the Mormon church?’ No. But I know enough Mormons, and I believe in the hearts of people enough that, if we all talk, I think they’ll realize we need to do better and we need to change. “I was taught as a Mormon that the heart comes first. I was not taught ‘prophet, then heart.’ Right?” he added. “I can tell you about false prophets. If a prophet tells you not to do it, well, what does your heart say? My heart says this is wrong. So I’m following my Mormon teachings!” The steps made so far and the steps that must come next were familiar refrains during a pre-concert news conference. Lance Lowry, a Draper native who last year served as the LoveLoud Festival’s executive director and now holds that same role with the LoveLoud Foundation, marveled at how far the organization has come. “One year ago at this time, we didn’t have a venue, we didn’t have any sponsors,” Lowry said. “Now, we’re about to play in a football stadium in Utah in front of 30,000 people who put their money where their mouth is.” Reynolds, among others, wanted to push the narrative forward, though.

“The ultimate goal is that we don’t have to have a LoveLoud Festival at all,” he said. “LGBTQ people should not have to continually explain why they love who they love. … So the ultimate goal is to not have this need to be a thing.” In the meantime, though, Lowry broached the possibility of taking LoveLoud “to wherever it’s needed.” Tegan Quin, a member of the Canadian pop duo Tegan and Sara who is a Lesbian and who became one of the festival bookers this year, pointed out: “This is a problem all over the country, all over the world — not just in Utah.” Stephenie Larsen, CEO and founder of Encircle — an LGBTQ family and youth resource center, which is based in Provo and will soon expand to Salt Lake City and St. George — noted that she gets emails every day from young people in Alabama, in California, reaching out for support and advice. A study by the Family Acceptance Project concluded that “lesbian, gay and bisexual youth who come from highly rejecting families are 8.4 times as likely to have attempted suicide as peers who reported no or low levels of family rejection.” And the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has reported that suicide is the second-leading cause of death in the United States for teenagers. “This is a public health crisis — not just in Utah but across the country,” said Amit Paley, CEO and executive director of The Trevor Project, a national organization providing crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to LGBTQ youths. “LoveLoud is sending the message — you are not alone, and you are beautiful the way you are.” Several speakers touched on the frequently stated idea that for people struggling to reconcile their sexual identity with an oft-contradictory religious upbringing, achieving better mental health can be as simple as disavowing a religion. Tyler Glenn, singer of the formerly Utah County-based alt-rock group Neon Trees and a former LDS Church missionary, said that cutting ties with the church was ultimately his best option. “It has been a hard journey; I don’t think it’s hard anymore. I just discovered it’s not true," he said. “It doesn’t serve anything that I am now. For years, they told me that I’m flawed, for years, they told me that who I am is wrong.” Others pointed out, however, that not everyone can get to that point, nor should they have to. “Often, religious communities tell LGBTQ youth, ‘You have two choices: You can stay in the closet, hide yourself and be a part of our church; or you can be cast out forever.’ A choice like that is no choice at all,” said Jeffrey Marsh, an author who writes about gender queerness and gender fluidity. “It’s almost like a choice between life and death. An LGBTQ young person who has to choose between their family, their friends, their school or their own happiness — what an awful, evil, false choice. We should live in a world where LGBTQ youth are loved and accepted and have the support system they need to live a full and happy life.” “It’s an extremely important message that you can be a person of faith and also LGBTQ,” Paley added. “They’re not mutually exclusive.” The LDS Church endorsed last year’s event, but it did not renew its support for this year’s festival. Reynolds grew fiery when talking about people telling him on social media that all the effort he was putting into LGBTQ support was unnecessary — that gay people have gotten enough attention and seen enough social change, and the issue is passé and played out. “That is one of the saddest things to me,” he said, his jaw clenched. “That is not a truth.” Many of LoveLoud’s invited speakers could personally attest to that. Quin, of Tegan and Sara, recalled an ex-girlfriend from a conservative community whose parents hacked into her email to confirm their relationship, then banished her from their home unless she agreed to change. Grammy-winning songwriter Justin Tranter, who took up a music career behind the scenes after his band Semi Precious Weapons was dropped from one too many labels, recalled being copied on an email to a video editor that said, “Hey, can you please edit out this shot and this shot and this shot because Justin’s hands are moving in too effeminate of a way?” He alternately called the experience “heartbreaking,” “soul-crushing” and “a bit of a mind-[expletive].”

Paley, meanwhile, noted that conversion therapy is legal in 37 states: “Young people are being sent to torture to erase their sexual identities.” However, while there was an air of grim determination at all the work still left to do, there was also a prevailing hopefulness. After all, there were thousands upon thousands upon thousands of people pouring into Rice-Eccles Stadium on Saturday for LoveLoud. Yes, its leaders acknowledged, some were there just to catch a musical bill featuring the likes of Imagine Dragons, Zedd, Linkin Park’s Mike Shinoda and teen singer-songwriter Grace Vanderwaal. But many others of varying backgrounds, religions, and sexual and gender identities bought tickets simply because the proceeds would go toward raising $1 million to benefit local and national LGBTQ charities such as Encircle, The Trevor Project, and the Tegan and Sara Foundation. “I wanna see the headline, ‘Most Mormon state in the U.S. now has the lowest suicide rate for LGBTQ youth,’” Reynolds said. “I wanna show the world that this can happen in the last place you would ever think.”